How to be Strong

How to be Strong




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When faced with difficult circumstances, why do some people falter and spiral towards self-destruction while others survive and even thrive once the storm has passed? No one is immune to adversity, but some people seem to be better able to cope with and recover from even the most strenuous conditions. At the core of their strength is a mindset that allows them to carry on through thick and thin. Fortunately, this mindset is no secret. Emotional resiliency has been written about, studied and even measured, revealing some insights as to how anyone can be strong. Here are some ways to build your own inner strength.


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STEPS...


1
# Remember that you are in control. Strength implies having power and being able to affect one's own life, while weakness implies being powerless and helpless. No matter what your circumstances, there are things you can control, and things you can't. The key is to focus on the things you can control. Make a list of all the things that are troubling you, then make a list of all the things you can do to make each situation better. Accept the items on the first list (they are what they are) and focus your energy on the second list.

* In studies of people with a high Adversity Quotient (AQ) it's observed that resilient people always find some aspect of any situation that they can control, and they also feel responsible for taking action to fix the situation, even if their hardship was caused by someone else. Those with a low AQ, however, ignore opportunities to take action and deflect accountability, presuming that because they didn't create the situation, they should not be the ones to remedy it.[1]

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2
Choose your attitude. Sometimes (hopefully rarely) we encounter situations in which we really are helpless to enact change, but you are still in control because no matter what, you can always control your attitude towards life. As Victor Frankl put it: "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Regardless of what is happening, be positive.

* If somebody is making your life miserable, don't let them crush your spirit. Continue to be proud and have hope and remember that these are the things that no one can take away from you. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."[2]
* Try not to let a crisis or hardship in one area of your life "spill over" into other areas of your life. If you're facing great difficulty with work, for instance, don't behave irritably towards your significant other when they've done nothing but try to help. Eliminate the "side effects" of your hardship by controlling your own attitude. Resilient people do not "catastrophize" every setback, nor do they let negative events follow a domino effect through their lives.[3]

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3
Have faith in yourself. You've made it this far. You can make it through just one more day. And if you take it just one day at a time, or even one moment at a time, you can survive whatever you're going through. It won't be easy, and you're not invincible, so take baby steps. When you feel like you're about to fall apart, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Meditate or pray. Tell yourself "I can handle this." Once you've centered yourself, open your eyes and take one more step forward.
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4
Pick your battles wisely. You're going through a lot right now; don't cling to ideals and concerns that will break you rather than make you. This is as good a time as ever to avoid sweating the small stuff. Whittle your life down to a few core values that mean the world to you, and don't worry about anything else. "Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it's letting go."[4]
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5
Reach out. Spend time with friends and family who are supportive and positive. If no one is available, make new friends. And if there are no friends to be found, help others who are in greater need than you are. Sometimes when we feel like we can't better our own situations, we can find strength in bettering someone else's, and we can also gain perspective on our own lives. "I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet."[5]
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6
Be thankful. Life is tough, but if you look closely enough, you'll find and infinite number of things to be grateful for. Even if the things that made you happy in the past are gone, there's so much more to appreciate still. The joy you derive from the world around you is the fuel that'll push you through the hardest of times, so pay attention to what you have and enjoy it for what it's worth. Sure, you might not have that new shirt, or whatever it is you want, but at least you have this computer, with the internet, or you wouldn't be seeing this. You know how to read, you probably have a house, and the Internet you are using is obviously paid for. Some people can't read, have no computer, no home. Think about that.



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